my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
