my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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