all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
