I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
