Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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