we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
