he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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