Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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