fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
