just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
