was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
