Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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