I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize