Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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