haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
