Kiss
Puke
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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