Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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