Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
