He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
