party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
