I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
