he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
