I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
