when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
pray to the hookup gods
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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