i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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