I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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