dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
