haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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