giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
