i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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