K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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