it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
