dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
