he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize