you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
