New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
