i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize