Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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