I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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