I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
