Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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