Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
