My liver just broke up with me...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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