Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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