I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
