hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
