pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
