so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
