Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
