I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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