Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
