Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You made out with two different species that night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
