Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
