She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just gargled with NyQuil
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
