I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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