by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize