is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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