im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
