Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
