he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
