Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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