Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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