i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
