i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
