member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
