since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
