why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
