You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
