So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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