Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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