I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
