Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
handjob tips. give me some.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we're making bets on your personal life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
