I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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