Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He did a backflip because drugs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
