his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
