Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
