period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
