I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
