this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
